I don't even want to title this one because now I'm sad and angry.

Wow. Two in one day. The sky is falling. But I was in church this morning singing and something hit me so hard I wanted to just sit down right there on the stage and cry... But that would be totally inappropriate so I just stood where I was and cried. Whatever works.

We just sent a mission team down to Haiti. They went to visit some kids, about 120 to be more precise. These kids are the poorest of poor. A Christian doctor down there found them recently, sheltered under a lean-to and being cared for by ONE woman. ONE! I can barely take care of Joshua by myself! So these kids are sick and eating maybe one meal a day. And the government is so hostile to outsiders, and anyone, that relief is not exactly in abundance down there. Just thinking about their situation makes me so sad in my heart. So today one of the guys who went, our missions minister, shared about some of his time there and how he feels like God has is for our church to be directly involved with establishing an orphanage to care for these kids.

Then I started thinking about America as a whole. And it made me sick. Not to bash our country or anything. I mean, we live in the best country on earth. Really anyone can make it here with hard work. But we're so selfish and wasteful and whiny. I know we hear about that a lot and we're somewhat desensitized to it but it hit me differently today. I mean how sick must God get when He looks at some of the ways we are, even in our churches? I might be stepping on toes here, but that's the beauty of online blogging. There's nothing you can do about it. This is my heart. Take it or leave it. Churches pour money into the most stupid things while kids are literally not knowing where their next meal will come from. It was hard for me to get my mind wrapped around that kind of devastation before I went to India. Now it's not so hard to imagine for me. Most of us have never had to wonder where our next meal will come from or been scared that this minor illness we have might kill us because we can't get treatment. I mean these kids are making cookies to eat out of flour and dirt, for heaven's sake. And I'm mad. I'm mad that we as Americans who call ourselves "Christ-followers" are sitting on our cushioned pews and letting it happen. I'm mad that people have to look to the government for help because we as a church aren't doing our jobs and going into the communities that need it. I'm mad that we get our feelings hurt because they didn't choose to go on the youth trip WE wanted to go on or print the t-shirts WE wanted while kids in an AIDS orphanage in Haiti are strapped to beds because they are so weak that if that get up it'll kill them. And as they're dying the workers put another child in their bed with them so they don't have to die alone. I'm sick about this. When are we gonna wake up and realize that Jesus said true religion is caring for the widowed and the orphans. This is worth EVERYTHING to me because He said do it. I'm sorry to vent, but my stomach turns with how selfish the American church has become. I include myself because I should be doing more. I will do more. God, what would you have me do? Please tell me. I need to know. Here I am, Lord. Send me!