I don't even want to title this one because now I'm sad and angry.

Wow. Two in one day. The sky is falling. But I was in church this morning singing and something hit me so hard I wanted to just sit down right there on the stage and cry... But that would be totally inappropriate so I just stood where I was and cried. Whatever works.

We just sent a mission team down to Haiti. They went to visit some kids, about 120 to be more precise. These kids are the poorest of poor. A Christian doctor down there found them recently, sheltered under a lean-to and being cared for by ONE woman. ONE! I can barely take care of Joshua by myself! So these kids are sick and eating maybe one meal a day. And the government is so hostile to outsiders, and anyone, that relief is not exactly in abundance down there. Just thinking about their situation makes me so sad in my heart. So today one of the guys who went, our missions minister, shared about some of his time there and how he feels like God has is for our church to be directly involved with establishing an orphanage to care for these kids.

Then I started thinking about America as a whole. And it made me sick. Not to bash our country or anything. I mean, we live in the best country on earth. Really anyone can make it here with hard work. But we're so selfish and wasteful and whiny. I know we hear about that a lot and we're somewhat desensitized to it but it hit me differently today. I mean how sick must God get when He looks at some of the ways we are, even in our churches? I might be stepping on toes here, but that's the beauty of online blogging. There's nothing you can do about it. This is my heart. Take it or leave it. Churches pour money into the most stupid things while kids are literally not knowing where their next meal will come from. It was hard for me to get my mind wrapped around that kind of devastation before I went to India. Now it's not so hard to imagine for me. Most of us have never had to wonder where our next meal will come from or been scared that this minor illness we have might kill us because we can't get treatment. I mean these kids are making cookies to eat out of flour and dirt, for heaven's sake. And I'm mad. I'm mad that we as Americans who call ourselves "Christ-followers" are sitting on our cushioned pews and letting it happen. I'm mad that people have to look to the government for help because we as a church aren't doing our jobs and going into the communities that need it. I'm mad that we get our feelings hurt because they didn't choose to go on the youth trip WE wanted to go on or print the t-shirts WE wanted while kids in an AIDS orphanage in Haiti are strapped to beds because they are so weak that if that get up it'll kill them. And as they're dying the workers put another child in their bed with them so they don't have to die alone. I'm sick about this. When are we gonna wake up and realize that Jesus said true religion is caring for the widowed and the orphans. This is worth EVERYTHING to me because He said do it. I'm sorry to vent, but my stomach turns with how selfish the American church has become. I include myself because I should be doing more. I will do more. God, what would you have me do? Please tell me. I need to know. Here I am, Lord. Send me!

So Basically...

So Spenser and I were talking about Calvinism vs. Armenianiam vs. Open Theism today... O my. I love debate. It gets out my need to argue that I feel like is deep in my soul. I will sit for hours over a very strong cup of coffee and talk to anyone about the finer points of theology and what I would like to classify as the "periphreals." But they are just that... periphreals. I know some might not agree with me, but seriously... People spend they're whole lives trying to decipher this awesome, sovreign God we serve. Is that what He would have us put our time into? Now don't get me wrong, I love to study and read and learn. But I think it's important to keep the Main Thing the main thing. Sometimes we worship our denomination or our teachers or other authors and not Jesus.
I keep up with a pastor named Francis Chan out of California. Most of you probably know him. He's quite popular these days. Part of his testimony is that a few years ago, He got back to the basics. He "through out", if you will, all of his preconceived notions about God and what He's like and just started reading the Scriptures. Just the Scriptures. To see what God is like. What he came away with was very different than what he'd been taught by his denomination or his parents or sunday school teachers or whoever. I've tried to do that in my life too because though I didn't come up in a crazy denomination and most of what I believe and was taught is theologically sound, my view of God is skewed at times.
So I still love to argue :) But for now, I'm getting back to basics... What is God like? I want to know Him SOOO much better than I do now. I know He pursues me and I'm pursuing Him right back.

It's not just for 6-year-olds anymore...

So I've decided that Scripture memory rocks. I know most of us (or at least me) think of Scripture memory as something you do at church camp or in youth group to get cookies (or other random, sugar-packed prizes). Actually I think Spenser won a laptop once. But anyway, being able to have Scripture in my head, and hopefully eventually in my heart, is priceless to me. If I'm dealing with something and can recall a relevant passage of Scripture, the Lord can use that to strengthen me and help me out of a given situation. Like in Thessalonians when He says He won't put anything on you that you can't get out of with His help. Hiding His word in my heart is part of that. So I've memorized a few longer passages, but I'm back in the groove, if you will. I'm going to memorize Romans 8 next, I think. Anyone with me?...

Big-Boy Britches and Child-like Faith

So I've been reading Jeremiah lately in my quite times... My accountability partner and I are going through a chapter a day. But so far it's kicking my butt, so I'm moving a little slower. I end up reading like 2 verses and then I have to journal for like an hour just to get everything out that God lays on me. This book is wearing me out, so I thought I'd share. I'm in chapter 5 right now but I wanna talk about chapter 2 for a sec...

"Go and proclaim in the hearing of Jerusalem, Thus says the LORD, 'I remember the devotion of your youth, your love as a bride, how you followed me in the wilderness, in a land not sown.'"

Jeremiah 2:2

So background... In chapter 1, God calls Jeremiah to speak to Israel on His behalf in a time of extreme rebellion. They are "whoring" (God's words, not mine) after other gods and forsaking their devotion to the Lord, forgetting what He's done for them. So He wants Jeremiah to go in and let them know that God's about ready to throw down, if you will.

This verse shows God being sort of nostalgic about Israel's past devotion to Him. He blind-sided me with this because I think about my "youth" and how passionate I once was about Him. Okay, I realize I'm not THAT old, but back in the day (hehe) I couldn't get enough of the Lord. I wanted time with Him more than food, more than anything. So now that I'm old and have responsibilities and all that, it's a lot harder to keep my focus. That might sound really unspiritual, but it's easier to be honest when I can't see my audience. Ha! So the past couple weeks, I've been going through this little mini revival all my own. It's so refreshing to just sit down with the Lord and ask Him what He has for me today. And get this, He answers! Go figure!

Paul is always talking in his letters about moving from spiritual milk to meat. Putting on our big boy britches, if you will, and getting on with it. But I feel like sometimes we equate spiritual maturity with being boring. Or at least I do sometimes. Maybe I'm alone on this, but I think it's a delicate balance. We need to be grown up in a sense. Not dramatic or emotional and all that. But didn't Christ also welcome, and in fact command, child-like faith? It's both. Like in this book I'm reading, is God a lion or a lamb? Both. Weird. Two polar opposites in the animal kingdom and He picks both to represent Him. Strange. But it makes sense that this multi-faceted God would command attitudes and hearts from us that may at times seem contradictory, especially in the world's eyes, but it's for our best to listen, ya know?

Totally Cool Bible Study Help

So I'll start with a sidebar... I'm not sure if you all have heard of e-Sword. It's a free Bible study software that you can download to your computer. It's got every translation you've ever heard of plus about 12 commentaries. And Strongs Hebrew and Greek and all that. The website is e-sword.net and you just click to download it. Just thought I'd share...

Here I Am!

Okay, so I decided to join the circus that is blogging. I'm not sure how often I'll actually write, but it seems like a good idea. An outlet for honesty, if you will... So if you have time, I hope you enjoy!